Three Steps Towards Healthier Boundaries At Work.

Dear Tanja,

My boss communicates with me via text all day long. I wake up to early morning texts, am asked to hop on calls multiple times a day, and get text messages throughout the evening. It feels like it never ends. I don’t know what to do. I am exhausted and stressed about maintaining the communication at all hours because I don’t want to lose my job. 

I can imagine this feels very overwhelming! I’m so sorry to hear you are managing this stress on top of everything else. It must be hard to be productive when you're constantly being asked to stop what you're doing throughout the day. And not to mention, waking up to texts and receiving them throughout the evening, prevents you from resting and recovering ever. In my opinion, this is not appropriate. Your boss is completely integrating themselves into your life and not giving you space to do your job or enjoy your free time. There is an opportunity to create boundaries here, and I sincerely hope they are responsive to this. Here are three ways to consider drawing boundaries at work. 

1- Communication. 

It is hard to imagine that your boss might not be aware of their behavior, but at the very least, it is a possibility that they are not aware of how it is affecting you. It is essential to communicate this to your boss. The actual conversation itself will depend on your comfort level, but a suggestion is to keep this conversation as direct as possible. Focus more on how you feel/ the impact of their overcommunicating, and the change (less contact) that will support you. 

2- Accountability. 

Send a follow-up to your boss after this conversation to reiterate the action items that you both agreed on moving forward. This provides another opportunity to confirm that you are both on the same page. Additionally, it provides a written point of reference that you may need to refer to as needed (people don’t change overnight). And yes... this step does involve communicating over and over again as needed.

3-  Honoring your boundaries.

At some point, if you want to see a change, you also need to change a certain behavior. It is not right, but in some ways, responding to your boss after hours or clearing your schedule multiple times a day to hop on a call can feed into their unreasonable expectations. Once you have communicated what you want to see change, you can help train that behavior change by holding back on your level of responsiveness. 

Establish healthy boundaries for yourself. Perhaps it’s that you won't respond to texts outside of your working hours. Maybe it’s scheduling a daily call with your boss to address any last-minute needs, but avoid scheduling impromptu meetings outside of that window. The boundaries can look any way you want; you can be creative - it doesn’t have to be a hard no. You know your work environment the best, so you can be reasonable with what will work out. On occasion, you may be contacted in the evening, and you can decide whether this information needs to be addressed immediately or if it can be responded to tomorrow during work hours. 

As with most of my posts, I conclude with a note of caution. There will be a level of discomfort with implementing this change on your end. Just remember, growth, change, and transitions - it all takes time. Be patient with yourself and your boss. 

It is always a possibility that things might not change. If this is ever the case, please be willing to update your resume and explore other opportunities. It’s not easy to initiate change, and it’s not the most enjoyable experience to be looking for another job. Still, it’s also not a satisfying work experience for you at the moment. This is one of those situations where you pick your hard- and I can almost guarantee that it will be worth it in any direction you choose, as long as it leads to a change. You deserve to unwind from work. You deserve to focus on your work without interruptions all day. You deserve peace, within and outside of work hours.

Wishing you relief, strength, and the mental and emotional space you need to rest from work. 

What would you add? What will you try? Share in the comments. Let’s keep working together to keep the office vibes up!